


Left Behind

by katieluvanime



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Angst, M/M, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-31
Updated: 2013-10-31
Packaged: 2017-12-31 01:01:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1025481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katieluvanime/pseuds/katieluvanime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He was alone again.  He could hear Gwen's sobs and the rustle of cloth.  They were together again.  </p>
<p>And he was alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Left Behind

**Author's Note:**

> It's so strange. I kept re-watching Tosh's death and Jack was hugging Gwen to him but Ianto was standing in front of them. It kind of broke my heart how separated they were. So this is my story of after.

"I hope I did good."

Her smile, so sad, so sweet, disappeared as the frame shut down. Tosh, god he would miss her. She always brightened his day. Whenever he brought her coffee she would smile and say thank you. She always noticed him, and always knew he would do the same. But no more...she wasn't there anymore. Owen...he wouldn't speak of Owen. They were gone...just like...Lisa.

He could hear Jack speaking, could hear Gwen respond. But it didn't matter. Even as he felt Jack pull her closer he wouldn't let him do the same. Was it horrible of him to feel jealous at a time like this, when they were grieving over their lost family? He knew in his heart Jack didn't love him, that that place was only open for Gwen. But he shared his bed. He held him close at night and stroked his hair back from his face when the nightmares became too much. He woke up earlier then his lover so he could see those beautiful blue eyes open and blink away the nights sleep. He had Jack's nights. Gwen had his heart.

"Ianto?" 

He blinked away the tears that filled his eyes, trying to put back on his mask. He turned to the two that were left, their arms still wrapped around each other. They stared at him, and he nearly broke. It hurt to stretch that fake smile across his lips, but he had to do it. For them. It wouldn't do for them to know that the pain they were inflicting on him now was worse then the hole in his heart that Tosh and Owen...and Lisa...left.

"I'll go make us some coffee," he smiled again and spun on his heels, quickly walking away from the scene. He could hear Jack step forward, the pounding of his boots as he catches up. His palm is heavy as it catches his arm, turning him around to face him.

"Ianto, please-"

He couldn't meet his eyes as he pulled away. Those damned tears he had been holding back trickled down his cheeks.

"Go back to Gwen sir. She needs you now more then ever."

"Ianto-"

"Go!"

He was alone again. He could hear Gwen's sobs and the rustle of cloth. They were together again. 

And he was alone.

 

#62.

Toshiko Sato.

He caressed the door lightly, his breathes uneven. 

"I am probably the most selfish person in the world Tosh...to come here and talk about my...heart problems...when you are lying on that cold slab. But you were always the one I would come to for this. You always made things so simple...you knew just what to say. Your gone though...and I don't know what to do..." Ianto sobbed quietly as he dropped to his knees, his hand resting on her name. 

"Things are so different now...it hurts so badly. With you and Owen gone, you would think we would close ranks, band together. You would think that...*sob*...I wouldn't be left out. But they leave me here alone, day in and day out. They walk out together at night while I'm still here, trying not to scream out my pain. Its Jack and Gwen now...and Ianto is just left in the corner till they need him..."

He was gasping for breath now, his body shaking with sobs. He clenched his eyes tightly, trying to block out the pain screaming in his head. It hurt, his heart hurt, and all he wanted was the pain to go away. It was never like this when he lost Lisa. It had hurt, nearly crushed him. But he slowly got through the pain. He had help then...he had Jack. But Jack wasn't here anymore, not for him. He was alone, completely and totally alone. There was no way he was going to get through this...it felt like he was suffocating, his body writhing in agony. He wanted it to end, he wanted it all to end.

"I...love him...but he could never love me back...he has Gwen now...and I'm so alone...I don't want to be alone anymore!" he screamed, his voice cracking with emotion. His sobs escalated, his breath coming in desperate pants. He was hyperventilating, he couldn't catch a deep breath. If he didn't stop now, he would pass out. But he couldn't...it hurt too much...

 

"Ianto! Come on Ianto, wake up! Please wake up for me! Please!"

A hand slapped his face lightly. Voices echoed around his head. God he hurt. His head hurt. His heart hurt. He didn't want to move at all in fear that his whole body would hurt as well. 

That hand was back...caressing his stinging cheek. It was warm...he was warm. His body moved slightly, rose up and down when the person holding him close breathed. He was held in strong arms; he could feel the muscles clench as he was pulled in more tightly. Jack...Jack was holding him...

His lids fluttered slightly before rising slowly. He was too weak for much else. The first thing he saw was those beautiful blue eyes, so filled with worry and tears. Tears...they dripped down his cheeks...

"That's it...come on baby. Open those pretty blue eyes for me. Come on Ianto...there we go..."

"Jack..."

"I'm here baby. I'm here...I thought we were going to lose you for a minute there..."

Was he crying...for him? No...that couldn't be. Jack wasn't worried about him. Gwen...Gwen must be hurt. That was it.

"Gwen...is she hurt?" he croaked, his throat parched. That gorgeous face scrunched up slightly, confusing clearly written.

"No Ianto...why would you think that?"

"Because you're crying sir..."

He felt the jerking sob more then heard it. Jack's lips tightened as he bent closer, touching their foreheads together.

"Oh God Ianto...I nearly lost you! I saw you lying here on the floor, not breathing, and my heart nearly stopped. I thought I was going to die for real."

That wasn't right...that couldn't be right...Jack couldn't feel that way. He wouldn't die if Ianto did. He had Gwen. He didn't need him...

"Why? I'm not Gwen..."

Jack jerked up, his eyes wide. Ianto could feel the arms around him loosen slightly for one split second before tightening more then ever. 

"What is it with Gwen? This has nothing to do with her! I nearly lost you!"

"But...you don't love me...you don't want me...why would it matter if I died..." Ianto whispered brokenly, his eyes clenched shut in desperation. Please don't let Jack see how much he was broken...

His eyes flew open as the tear drops hit his cheeks. Jack was crying, his eyes rimmed with pain. He could feel the body shake against his, shuddering with each short breath. Jack was in pain...he had caused him pain. 

"Stop...please stop Jack...it's okay...you don't have to cry...please...I understand now. I won't cause you anymore pain," he stuttered as he lifted his hand to his cheek, trying to catch the tears. But they wouldn't stop. Why wouldn't they stop? 

Jack collapsed against him, his arms wrapped tighly around his waist as he buried his face in his neck. They were rocking back and forth slowly; the sobs that wracked the captain's body only interrupting them slightly. Ianto could feel the tears soaking his neck and he wrapped his arms around those strong shoulders, trying to soothe his boss.

"Please stop crying...it's okay..."

The voice that answered him was muffled, but he could hear the words loud and clear.

"I know I've been distant lately...throwing myself in my work...pushing you away...but I never once stopped thinking of you...stopped caring for you...I never once thought of how it was affecting you...how much I was hurting you. God Ianto, I'm so sorry for turning you away. For focusing on myelf instead of the one person that needed me most...I'm so sorry I let you down and made you doubt how I feel about you...I love you Ianto Jones...so damn much..."

It stopped...everything in the room stopped. No noise was heard as Ianto's eyes widened in shock. His heart beat wildly, his breath came out in shuddering pants. 

"You...love me?"

The hidden face nodded against his sodden collar. Strong hands soothed along his back before cleching tightly in his shirt. Ianto felt the tears rise in his eyes and he couldn't stop them from falling.

Jack loved him. He said he loved him. It by no means could make up for the hurt and the pain that he had caused him over the last few months, but those words made his heart clench. Jack loved him.

They would have to talk later, about everything that had happened. But for right now...in front of the resting places of some of their dearest friends...they could finally find some bit of comfort.

"I love you too..."


End file.
